I Should Have Scheduled a Wax Two Weeks Ago

Did you know that you can buy Honey Bunches of Oats JUST THE BUNCHES??? This probably has made my complete month of January. I have wanted this for years and now, here I sit, a box of honey granola bunches right here in front of me. They're good to snack on...but eating it just like a cereal is Divine. Whoever finally made this possible at Post, I owe you my first born.

AND CHECK IT OUT, you can totally buy this stuff on Amazon. There is a God.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/B002LV6LAY/ref=dp_image_z_0?ie=UTF8&n=16310101&s=grocery

As much as I could continue rambling on about cereal, I actually did have blog topic in mind for today's post. It's something that has baffled me for the past couple years and I've thought about it quite recently so I decided to put it up here...

And forgive me the use of overgeneralization, but I don't know how else to describe this...phenomenon.

After women get married or commit to a relationship, why do they stop trying?

If you are a woman reading this, you are probably ready to point your finger into my chest and chant "How dare you! Explain yourself, you poor excuse of a woman!" If you're a man reading this, you might just be nodding your head because you know exactly what I'm talking about.

What I'm trying to ask is why do women, when the reach this point in their lives, allow themselves to let themselves go? They are so focused on looking incredible for their wedding day, but six months later, they've packed on twenty pounds, chopped off the long locks, and haven't shaved in two months (but use the excuse of making an appointment for a wax...two weeks ago). And here's hubby going "What the hell happened to the woman I married?"

Mission accomplished, ladies? No more need to impress? He's seen you at your worst, so why bother?

We all have moments in our life where physically we've let ourselves slip to a low that we shouldn't. And you might say that appearance isn't everything, but let me just explain something - this is where is starts. Once you let yourself go physically, next thing to go is your attitude and life outlook, and then you're waiting in line at the courthouse to legally change your name to Debbie Downer.

You married him, you vowed to spend the rest of your life with him, so why not show him how important he is to you by showing him how much you care about yourself? That being in your life IS worth it.

Shaving your legs and keeping up on the rest of your body is not time consuming if you keep up on it. Putting on a little make-up, styling your hair, keeping in shape, wearing clothes that flatter your body - YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF TOO. If you feel confident and sexy, trust me, he will see you that way too.

He's already in love with you, but surprise him by making him fall in love with you all over again.

Take on Dating Series - Part Two - The Date

I had originally planned to post this Tuesday, but the post would have been as follows:

Dating...

Sucks.

Ass.

The end.

Obviously, I couldn't leave you all with just that. Though I don't know what B.S. I'm actually going to pull out of my own ass to make it sound any more glamorous than that. Just imagine me writing this is a feather boa and I think we might have something...

So, why is it important to date? Well....

Yeah, I got nothing, but I can provide you with a few random thoughts...

• If I REALLY think about it, I think dating has the potential to be wonderful. I'm not talking about first dates or anything, just having the opportunity to dress up, go out, and try to make your man fall in love with you all over again...Look at me, there's actually a smile on my face and I'm being sappy.

But as far as first dates go, here's some recommendations...Not all, mind you, but I'm going to attempt to make a good start.

• If we're traveling together, don't put Barry White on in the car. Because the effort's weird. And if it's not an effort, then I'll just assume you listen to it alone and that's even weirder. So it's a lose/lose.
• If a conversation involves "I don't know, what do you want to do?" and we're planning date numero uno, there won't be a date numero deuce-o. Have some gusto! When you ask me out, have a few places in mind that you love, and plan on taking me there...it shows enthusiasm, confidence, and that you're making an effort.
• Who pays? This is such a touchy subject. I'm a pretty traditional chick myself. If you ask me out on a date, then I assume I you'll pay. I don't know why this is, if it's even fair...all I know is that by asking me out on a date, there is a possibly that one day I'll be pushing your child's head through my...and at that moment? Damn right, it's fair. Say what you want about that argument; it's bad ass, total BS, and we'll continue to use it. If we're doing a casual lunch, Dutch is acceptable and I guess it's acceptable otherwise, just let me know before hand. You'll lose points, but gain them for persevering through an awkward moment.
• Awkward moment that has no opportunity to gain points? Having your credit card decline.
• Opening my car door, opening doors, taking off my coat, letting me sit first...those are all things your mother should have taught you. It's cute and makes me smile. Incentive enough.
• I'm a total flirt, but that doesn't mean I'll accept your invitation home.
• First date subjects that shouldn't be talked about - salary, love life, etc. On a first date, you're always too worried about how you look eating, so keep your focus on getting that fork to your mouth instead of questions that will make me excuse myself to the ladies' room and climb out the window. Even if the restaurant is on the fourth floor.
• Do not mention the phrase "if we ever get married". Not even on the second date. Dude, I carry running shoes in my car.
• Be yourself! Having actual interests, goals, hobbies, and a personality is actually what you're suppose have after high school! I love football and I'll watch Star Trek and the Lion King back to back at 2 in the morning.
• I'm going to make sure I look "presentable" (which means I'm going to try to knock your socks off). If you like what you see, don't be afraid to say so - every woman loves to hear it. And, no we don't have a bladder problem, we'll excuse ourselves to the ladies' room just to check our hair and makeup. We're trying to impress you too.
• Be honest with me. That's the golden ticket right there. But don't sing to me...yet.
• Just because we've dated once or twice doesn't mean we're destined for his and her bath towels. Being exclusive shouldn't just be assumed, it should involve a conversation.
• Confidence!
• Don't ask me out on Sunday or Monday if it's football season (or Saturdays during the playoffs). And definitely not on nights the Zags play unless our date includes Robert Sacre live. Just remember this is a risky option because then I'll focus on going home with Robert Sacre and not you.
• Dinner and a movie can be a great option or a horrible option. Horrible if you see the movie before dinner because you'll be so uncomfortable sitting next to me you won't be able to concentrate on the movie. Your mind will be fixated on the armrest. So get to know each other over dinner first and you'll be a lot more at ease.
• Being adventurous and creative is always a big plus! Being weird is not.
• Don't lie to me and tell me your an Eagles or a Gonzaga fan. I know when a good thing is too good to be true.
• If you seem like you might be a Dallas Cowboys fan, I will leave. No comments, no questions, just a look of pure disgust on my face. And that's just a MIGHT BE a Cowboys fan, it doesn't even have to be affirmed.

Everything but the last point could be total BS. But that last point? GOLDEN RULE.

Take On Dating Series - Part One - The Hangout

I feel the urge to put a disclaimer on the the next several posts. Why? Because what will eventually flow through my mind and fingers could end up being total BS. And I'm not like most girls...so if you end up getting a few ideas from this particular blog, fair warning - things might go very wrong. You might get a curling iron flung at your head, you might not get laid (though if the former happens, there's a good possibly that you actually DID...just because, you know, think about where she keeps her curling iron)...

Dating. I don't even like typing the word. But I guess it's pretty much inevitable if you want to have any sort of kickass social life. I've decided to post a few random points about dating and "hanging out", perhaps a few anecdotes (though, after much thought and temptation, most dates will remain anonymous). This isn't going to be a step-by-step process, so if you're looking for that, you should check out sites like ehow.com because everything you read there totally works.

Today, I'll just ramble on about "hanging out" because believe or not, this will nfluence my thoughts about you more than going out on a date (which I'll talk about separately during the next few days). In fact, a lot of the time, I'd rather "hang out" than actually "go out". I've realized, however, both are important and I'll let you in on why within the next couple posts.

Point One --

1. Know that there is a difference between "hanging out" and "dating". If you're a creative individual, you could even combine the two for awesome success and I will provide an example of that coming up. If you call me and ask me if I want to "hang out", this is what you should do and expect from me in return.

• Specify what your plans are. Are we hanging out to watch a game? Play games? Videogames? Movies? Going through your DVR (ladies, you can learn so much about a man this way). These are all awesome, but I need to know that if you're asking me over to watch the game, I don't have to come up with an excuse to why I can't see you just because I want to stay home and watch the game myself. Or if we're doing anything outside, I need to know what kind of shoes to wear, if I need a coat, jeans, or clothes that I can get torn up and trashed. I'm up for anything, I just like to be prepared. That will make your life easier too...
• "Hanging out" means I'll also expect to see your friends. And I'll pretend not to notice any winks or really weird hand gestures you guys give each other for support. Or something.
• If we're just "hanging out" at your house, you can expect me to show up in sweatpants and a ball cap. If we're still just "hanging out" anywhere else, I'll be in jeans. Cap depending...
• Videogames. This might just piss off most girls, but I think they're awesome and totally a fun way to get to know each other - playing the right game of course (as in the majority of it should be multiplayer). I don't mind watching you show off your skills for awhile, but remember that I'm there too and would like a chance to attempt to kick your ass (and I say "attempt" because do you realize how good some guys are at gaming? Like I stand NO chance and afterwards, I just want to sell all my gaming systems on Ebay and pick up Olympic bird watching). Here's what you want to avoid, however - I went and "hung out" with this particular guy ONCE (notice, the accented ONCE). Watching him play Guitar Hero was cool for the first three hours, but then I wanted to play...and at the fifth hour mark, when I decided to ask him point blank, he looked at me like he had NO idea who I was and I had to reintroduce myself. Seriously, guys, I could have taken off my shirt and pretended to have a spontaneous orgasm and he wouldn't have looked up. So yeah, be passionate about your gaming systems, that's way cool...but when you invite me over, remember I'm there every so often and put up with my less superior skills. Offer me food and something to drink...because I know I risk being there ALL night. And no, not because of that.
• This is where being creative comes in. If you invite me over for dinner, then I'll probably put in a little more effort in making myself look "presentable". This can be REALLY fun! A nice dinner, followed by a movie, a walk, a game of cards, even Wii Boxing (I'm really competitive so anything that involves a me vs. you scenario is totally "in" with me). One time he even had an old canvas and finger paints ready to go after an awesome dinner. It was creative, it was fun, and we didn't have to go anywhere.
• Don't question me if I don't want to go in your hot tub.

When I Decided to Change My Oil

Forgive me for not posting for the past several days and forgive any grammatical errors that happen to appear. I am exhausted. I didn't have time to shave my legs today and that bugs me. Increasingly. Oh and forgive me for parking in a handicap parking spot the other day. I just really had to pee...and I still feel REALLY bad about that. But that's better than feeling pee in your nylons...

Recently, in my never ending quest of pursuing knowledge and to save money, I decided to do all maintenance on my car myself. Frequent phone calls to my father and Youtube made this possible. Tuesday, I decided to purchase the materials to change my oil. I had read my owner's manual and researched what I needed and I had no trouble finding anything. I did this after work, of course - hair curled, make-up, skirt, and heels. Yes, men were very afraid. And they had every reason to be...

Anyway, there was a number of MEN browsing the aisles of the auto shop and a store associate comes up to a man next to me and asks if he needed help finding anything. The man looks at me, shocked that he was asked instead of me, and replies "No, but I know SHE does." LIKE REALLY? Dude...you so didn't. The associate looks at me, as if waiting for a confirmation, and I responded that I was actually ready to check out...and oh, was that okay? Or do I need a man card or have to flash my nonexistent balls to shop here...

My Underwear Might Just Be Too Tight...Or Just Blame it All On the Eagles

I can't really promise that this post will be all sunshine and smiley faces. If smiley faces had noses, I'd break them all with my fist. That is the kind of mood I'm in. The kind where if you even looked at me and I thought your eyebrow was slightly raised, I'd pin you against the wall and demand you take it back.

The Eagles are out of the playoffs. YES, THAT IS WHAT IS WRONG.

And like that's not bad enough. We lost to Dallas again. That makes three games, THREE losses, and to be honest, we got our ass kicked these last two. I just think if we had beat them last week - you know last week - when exactly a week from today we had won six flippin' games in a row. We were the team to beat. If we would have won last week instead of being making idiots of ourselves, we would have had 2nd seed in the playoffs AND a first week bye, making our chances of making it to the big game even better, and hell, I'm even going to say likely.

I could so use one of those theraputic rake and sand tray thingies or rearranging Wade Phillip's facial features right now (apparently I'm on this my fist meets your face kick for whatever reason. I'm usually not a violent person).

I had some additional points to make in this post tonight, but it's almost 10:30 and my 20 year body says "Woman, you did not get a nap today and that is not ok." And so I'm struggling a bit with my thought process here, but if I'm going to write anything else it's going to be specifically addressed to Winter.

Winter,

I hate you. If you had a face like Wade Phillip, I'd...

I am so done with cold, and gray, and cold, and bad roads, and cold. I am not a happy, cold person. Now I LOVE to ski, don't misunderstand me, but alas, I haven't gone up to the mountain once this year so I'm just a bitter grinch at this point in the season. While I was upset we didn't have a white Christmas, I am now ready to wear my bikini and my tanning oil and flipflops, and just want...sweat. Yes, I yearn to sweat and smell like a coconut. I can't even remember the last time I've actually felt warm. Even to the touch, my body is just cold. Like my heart. And the guy I just now told off on the phone will agree with perhaps, additional, colorful adjectives just to spice things up a bit.

Looks like it's off to bed with me.

- Jenn

INCESSANT Ramblings...

Ramblings of an International Badass in Heels...Wow, what was I thinking when I thought that title up? Actually, not much of anything. I owe that title to my friend and colleague, Freddy. And he has no idea that his random comment turned into so much. A blog title. Freddy, be proud.

So actually, the title of this blog was suppose to be Incessant Ramblings of an International Badass in Heels, BUT apparently there's a limit to how long your title can be. First disappointment of this blog. At least it's not as bad as a disappointment as, let's say, nobody reading it. Anyway, the adjective incessant is a rather accurate description of this blog and I thought you all should know just so you have a little idea of what you're getting into...

Randomness, venting, occasional drinking and writing, randomness, oogling, and little snippets from my life...cue, more drinking.

Now am I going to post everything? Dear God, no. If I seem a little...oh, I don't know, liberal with what I post, just let it be known that there are things I won't blog about. I just don't know exactly what they are yet.

Who the hell am I? Let's see, they call me Jenn. I'm twenty (Twenty. Not twenty-something.) and an actress/ model who is currently completing her communications degree. I love long walks on the beach (Yes, I did just write that because it's so true), games of any kind especially the kind I win, which is like all of them. I brush my teeth three to four times a day, love hot salt-water baths, and really good television (Like Bear Grylls giving himself an enema or any episode from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia because it makes me feel better as a person). I love 80s music, football, basketball, and any sport that could potentially involve someone breaking something...like glass backboards, bones, or my heart (last week, my Eagles, ring a bell?). I'm a dancing foo', extremely upbeat, and the type of girl who will roll her windows down in the middle of winter to blast a song just because it's that good.

What do you think of me posting that "profile" (^) on an online dating site?

Yeah, I know, it's just too badass.

- Jenn